Thursday, 1 January 2015

Your Comments Made Me Cry

Before I begin, this post is in relation to and inspired by your comments (or semi-letters) to me in my recent giveaway video (below). I know it was a giveaway and due to the nature of that there would be many 'just writing this to enter' comments, but amidst the 1,600 comments, there are so many truly sincere and genuine ones that I can see were written with all your heart. This post is really raw and honest and originally started from a Facebook status post, which just got longer and longer, then I just decided to share it here. Thank you for allowing me to share this with you guys.

Beyond the giveaway, here are just a few of your letters that really touched my heart. I'm sharing this to show you guys that I really appreciate your words and the effort you took in writing them up.

Your Comments Made Me Cry

Your comments made me cry guys.. Sitting here just feeling so touched and moved.

I had no idea how much my life could have become such a huge part of yours, and the real genuine friendships we have together. As I've said before, speaking to a lifeless camera lens, being on a TV set, or writing up a blogpost and clicking 'publish' doesn't truly set in the reality that actual people are really viewing it. It's hard to fathom numbers into the hundreds of thousands. It's only at meet-ups that I experience the reality of my subbies.. (that's why even top-Youtubers and, yes, even celebrities get a shock - though they're good at hiding it - at their live shows or fan-meetings). I want you guys to know that my deep care for you guys grows day by day.


One of the things I prayed today as I prepared for the 2015 countdown was that my channel would become even more of an outlet for healing, care and meaningfulness into the lives of those who watch. I'm not God... so I can't promise that I'll be perfect, or that I'll never make mistakes, but I run and run with all that I have in the hope that what I might leave behind is more than empty materialism or self-benefit.

I want my channel to be for the good of others. It's harder on some days than others when I might feel down or get momentarily swept into the trend of how Youtubers normally work, but I thank you guys so much for your words and for giving me the strength to remember once again why I started Youtube at all.


There are things to come for my channel this year that will be different from other years. Oppa and my endeavour is to get these up and running as soon as possible to really labour for the benefit of those in need. I want to be faithful with the platforms that have been given to me, and not regret anything at the end of my life. I know I'll regret it if I only worked so hard for myself and for my own family.

Some of you guys might know, but ever since I can remember, Mother Teresa has been my greatest role model. When I was a young teenager, I remember being so touched by her life. I wanted to have lived a life like hers when I grew up. Passionately, like a martyr, poured out for others. It might sound crazy but at times I would lie in bed and actually think about how I could realistically go to Cambodia or Africa after high school, and live and die together with the sick and poor. I was addicted to short-term missions trips, which is why I went to so many at such a young age (Philippines, Malaysia, inland NSW Indigenous mission trips, etc). It wasn't just the trips to some other country though - it was seeing how God moved in mighty ways there. It was experiencing God's love in a real and tangible way, witnessing healing miracles, and just amazing things that are hard to explain in words and also just doesn't seem to be such a normal occurrence in the normal, comfortable everyday.

But I just knew that something always held me back from jumping in so fully as a life-long missionary - I knew I probably couldn't deal with the reality of the physical challenges for such a long term and would want to eventually come back home to the luxury of my warm shower and to be with my friends and family. My passion and heart has always burned for the motto she lived for, but it just wasn't in the way she did it.

Some quotes by Mother Teresa I thought I might share:

Don't get me wrong guys. I can never ever compare with Mother Teresa and the legacy of a life that she lived. I'm not in any way glorifying myself as some kind of saint or good and righteous person. No way... I am simply sharing my heart with you guys on a personal level of sister talking to sister about my innermost life dreams that I've had since I was very young. I trust you guys so I don't think there needs to be a wall between us. You guys already know way more about me and my life than so many of my physical friends anyway. [Did you know that? :)]

But anyway, in some ways, I feel like this is exactly what I really long to do, except in the context of our modern society of online networking, social media, and lightning-fast global connections.

I've always said my channel is about team effort (hence the way I set up my Try It Tuesdays), but I just sense that it will be needed more than ever this year. Noone truly knows what lies ahead, but to my closest musers, I just wanted to share this with you because oppa and I are in the middle of preparing something. And for those who have a similar heart, it's an alert that you are welcome to support it once it is up. Not for my benefit, or oppa's benefit.. or even for my channel's benefit, but born out of love and compassion and for the benefit of those in need.

Would you be willing to join me and oppa
to support each other - the muser family -

for a cause that is greater than ourselves 
and reaches to those who are in need?

Thank you for opening my heart to you guys enough for me to feel that I can share this much of my life with you. A relationship is never one way. It is a two-way thing where both people bounce off how much the other opens their heart. I am actually a very open and friendly person to everyone, but it does take time for me to really open my heart and show my real self to somebody. It's surreal and still unbelievable when I realise that I have opened up my heart and shown myself to you guys.

Not hundreds, not just thousands.. but over a hundred thousand of you guys. For someone who can't even do it to one very easily, this is just crazy. God can change people so much. It amazes me everyday.

I'm going to try my best to open up even more than ever before on my channel this year. Are you guys ready for it? <3

If you've read to the end of this, I know you are probably one of my true musers. Thank you. I cherish and appreciate you.

I'm truly looking forward to this year. What a great start and I am so excited! Are you?

Happy New Year, musers - Bring on 2015!

Love, Jen xoxo